When Choosing A Sex Therapist, You Should Be Asking These Questions

Sex therapy is a kind of counseling that can help you or you and your partner resolve difficulties surrounding your sexuality and sexual relationships, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine. You can either attend sex therapy sessions alone or with your partner to unpack everything from low libido (sex drive), dysfunction, and pain during sex to compulsive sexual behaviors, sexual trauma, and sexual abuse. Plus, you can also discuss sexual orientation and sexual health issues, like sexually transmitted infections. Whatever your questions or concerns about your sexuality or sexual life — physical, emotional, or psychological — you don't have to navigate them alone.

But not all sex therapists work in the same ways, tackling the same issues with the same methods and the same policies at the same price points. That's why it's important to "shop around" for a sex therapist who is best-suited for your lifestyle and needs — and one who makes you feel like you're in a comfortable and safe space to be vulnerable. After all, talking about sex is still very taboo in our society, and it's not necessarily easy.

With that said, here are the questions you should ask sex therapists so that you can give informed consent before getting started.

While the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) offers certification to all kinds of sexual health practitioners in different disciplines, it's important to understand the differences between these professionals. They may be accredited as sexuality educators, sexuality counselors, and sex therapists. 

Educators teach and train about everything from sexual and reproductive anatomy and physiology to family planning, contraception, sexual and gender identities, sexually transmitted infections, and more. They may work in schools, corporate settings, and with faith-based organizations. Counselors, on the other hand, may work with organizations like Planned Parenthood, or they may work as nurses or other health professionals, like school counselors. Counselors work to resolve short-term issues more immediately through problem solving and communication.

Sex therapists, however, are licensed mental health professionals who are trained to diagnose clients — and they provide comprehensive, intensive psychotherapy, typically on an ongoing basis. Knowing how these professions differ will help you choose the right expert for your specific needs.

Even among sex therapists, there are various areas of expertise. According to the Modern Sex Therapy Institute, sex therapists can become certified in LGBTQIA therapy, alternative relationships therapy, medical sexology, and more. So while some might be specialized in sexual trauma and abuse, for example, others might be specialized in sexual dysfunction. That's why it's important that you look for a sex therapist who can help you tackle the specific issues you're experiencing. And, of course, just because a therapist works for one person, that doesn't necessarily mean they'll be the best fit for you.

Zencare explained that "therapists differ in their approaches to addressing sexual health related concerns," though "a therapist who has training specifically in sex therapy and sexual concerns will likely have the knowledge and skills to help you through your challenges." Don't be shy about asking your sex therapist about their credentials. And be sure to do your own research to better determine if a specific therapist will meet your needs.

Just as the American Psychological Association comprehensively details the various ethical standards that therapists of all types should meet in its Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) follows a Code of Ethics. This code applies to all certified AASECT members, and "encompasses any activity that directly or indirectly relates to professional identity or training."

"Through setting forth standards of ethical conduct for practice-related conditions, qualities, skills and services, the Code is intended to assist AASECT certified members with judgments made in the course of their professional services," the Code of Ethics reads. "Certified members of AASECT, in the conduct of all aspects of their life that relates to their professional work and identity, are expected to honor the Code."

You'll want to make sure the sex therapist you choose follows these ethical guidelines. It may be a good idea to ask your potential therapist how they work with particular aspects of sexuality. As Psychology Today explained, "An ethical therapist will never try to 'rid' you of your sexual identity or erotic interests. This is misinformed therapy and offensive."

While some insurance providers and plans may cover sex therapy, not all do (via Psychology Today). If you have health insurance, you'll want to ask your sex therapist if they accept yours. If they do, this can significantly cut down costs or even cover your therapy treatment entirely.

Depending on your sexual concerns and overall health, you may need to see your sex therapist in conjunction with other healthcare providers, like your primary care provider, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a physical therapist, or other professionals, according to Columbia University. If this is the case, this may affect how your insurance provider does or does not cover your sex therapy sessions.

To make your search for a sex therapist within your insurance network easier, you can search for one through your insurance company. Many insurance providers offer online search tools to find healthcare providers in your area. Or, of course, you can call them up directly to ask for help in pointing you in the right direction.

According to Zencare, a resource for finding therapists, sex therapists use a number of different approaches to sex therapy. Typical approaches include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), interpersonal psychotherapy, and psychodynamic therapy.

If your therapist uses CBT, they may help you to identify your thinking and behavioral patterns, understand how they impact your mental health and sexual experiences, and incorporate techniques to improve it all. MSBR is the most common mindfulness practice treatment, according to Zencare. With this type of therapy, your therapist will help you incorporate exercises and activities to become more mindful of the triggers and patterns that are affecting you, which can help to alleviate the stress and anxiety surrounding them. In interpersonal psychotherapy, your therapist will focus on helping you build interpersonal and communication skills to strengthen your sexual relationships. And lastly, psychodynamic therapy is a kind of "talk therapy" with which you may be more familiar. Your therapist will help you dive into the unconscious factors that help shape your mental and physical health, including your sexual health.

Talk to your sex therapist about which approach or combination of approaches they use and why. It's important that their approaches align with you.

Sex therapy certainly can be effective for anyone of any gender, age, or sexual orientation (via Mayo Clinic). In fact, research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that individuals who undergo sex therapy report enjoying sex more and experiencing lower levels of sexual dysfunction after treatment. Still, because sex therapy is such an umbrella term, it's difficult to precisely assess just how effective it is.

And it might not be the right kind of therapy every person needs. If, for example, you're dealing with depression that happens to be hurting your sex life, you may be better off talking to a therapist who can more comprehensively address depression's impact on your relationships as a whole — not just the sexual aspect of them (via Healthline).

If sex therapy does seem like the best fit for you, you should know you won't necessarily have to pursue therapy indefinitely. According to Columbia University, sex therapy usually lasts somewhere "between five to 20 hourly sessions, often scheduled twice per month." As the Mayo Clinic advised, ask your therapist, "How long might I expect treatment to continue?"

Confidentiality is so important when it comes to sex therapy. You'll want to feel safe and secure in your sessions so that you can truly open up in a vulnerable way. Only then can you and your therapist work together to tackle your sexual concerns. 

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists' Code of Ethics suggests that psychologists may only share the minimum necessary information. "The certified member shall, when providing professional services in a group context or to a couple or family, make a reasonable effort to promote safeguarding of confidentiality on the part of each consumer in the group, couple or family," the code stipulates. Confidentiality policies may vary depending on your situation. For example, a therapist may be required by the law in your state to disclose information if you or someone else is in "clear and imminent danger of bodily harm."

Even with these strict confidentiality practices in place, though, you'll want to make sure you feel comfortable speaking openly with your sex therapist. "I personally think you should try to see two to three therapists for an initial consultation if possible," sex therapist Megan Fleming told Everyday Health, as multiple consultations can help you find the person you're most comfortable with.