Defining Your Own Relationship Rules, According To Behavior Expert Gianna Biscontini - Exclusive

Gianna Biscontini isn't a relationship expert, but she is an expert on human behavior. She's a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst who has spent the past several years examining the societal narratives that shape women's behavior and how they influence their relationships with others.

In her own life, she realized she was adopting other people's beliefs about what it means to be a so-called "good woman." That prompted her to look inside herself to discover and define how she wanted to show up in this world as a woman and partner. Along the way, she got divorced, changed nearly all of her beliefs about romantic relationships, and began helping other women break away from conventional standards that don't work for them.

In an exclusive interview with Health Digest, Biscontini shared some of what she's learned on her own journey and revealed her secrets for creating happy, healthy relationships. And one of her favorite mottos is: "There are no rules."

One of her greatest discoveries

Believe it or not, Biscontini's biggest relationship revelation is that there are no rules for a happy, healthy relationship. What works for one relationship, may not work for another. She explains that people often get caught up in what they believe a relationship is supposed to look like but they don't ever think about what actually works best for them.

"We grow up and think for ourselves and we build our own identities and we no longer have to abide by the rules of our parents or our professors or society in general," Biscontini said. "Now I build my own boundaries about what's acceptable to me in a relationship."

Once Biscontini realized she could define relationships in a more fluid and less rigid way, she found that she's attracted to both men and women and that strictly monogamous relationships don't work well for her. At present, she chooses not to be bound by conventional rules regarding monogamy or gender in her relationships.

Playing by your own relationship rules

Biscontini acknowledged that what works for her won't work for other people and that's okay because they only need to work for the people she dates. The key to building a happy, healthy relationship is creating relationship rules that work for everyone involved in the relationship and consistently respecting those rules.

"As long as whoever is in the relationship is happy, fulfilled, healthy, and safe and in agreement, you can do whatever you want!" Biscontini declared. "If you want to date eight people in a commune, go for it! You want to be monogamous with one person from the time you're 13 until the time you die, go for it! As long as those people agree and are safe and are healthy, and are fulfilled by it, fantastic!"

She also stressed the importance of not changing yourself to play by someone else's relationship rules. All too often, people — especially women — ignore their authentic selves in order to please a partner or a potential partner, and this always leads to pain. If somebody's relationship rules "limit you and put you in a box," either negotiate the rules or move on.

For more information on Gianna Biscontini's forthcoming book, "F**kless: The Guide to Wild, Unencumbered Freedom," please visit