Former Bachelor Producer Naz Perez Reveals How Loving Others Taught Her To Love Herself - Exclusive
Conventional wisdom dictates that you can't really love someone else unless you love yourself first, but Naz Perez disagrees. And she's got the expertise to back it up. Love was quite literally her job. Perez spent over two years as a producer on "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" designing perfect dates, interviewing the contestants about falling in love, and talking about love day in and day out. After her first serious relationship ended, she went on to found Heart Broken Anonymous, a support group for people who've had their hearts broken.
All this experience with love has taught Perez that she didn't have to love herself before she could love others. In fact, she didn't learn to love herself until she learned to love others. In an exclusive interview with Health Digest, Perez explained how her own heartbreak and Heart Broken Anonymous changed her perspective on loving others, self-love, and the role love plays in all of our lives.
Giving yourself the love you give others
Perez said that learning to love herself didn't happen through trying to cultivate self-love. It happened as a result of supporting others when they needed it most.
"How many times have we been helping out a friend that's been crying, or upset, or whether it's a little kid, and you just all of a sudden become this perfect shoulder to lean on?" she explained. "You're like, 'It's going to be okay. You're going to get through with this. You're beautiful. I wish you could see how beautiful you are to me. I wish you could see that for yourself. In loving other people, I started to ask myself, 'Can I do that for myself?' The answer is, yes, we all can ... I was like, 'Oh, I can do this for Naz. I can be that parent and that friend that I never have or don't have in the moment.'"
Once Perez realized that she could give herself the same kind of love and support that she was so good at giving others, she had an epiphany. "When you love yourself, you're in true alignment," she said. "Because, at our core, I believe that we are just love."
Heartbreak also teaches self-love
Perez said that her first real heartbreak also taught her a lot about loving herself. She learned that you can't have the joy of love — for yourself or others — without the pain of heartbreak. You can decide to run or hide from heartbreak and distance yourself from love, or you can dive in headfirst and feel the pain and the love as they come. Perez said that her heartbreak taught her to "embrace it," "feel it," and "accept it."
In that process, she learned that each heartbreak is a step on the path to finding "that great love within, the great love I will receive one day from another person and the great love that I know I can give myself."
These lessons are reinforced every time she facilitates a Heart Broken Anonymous meeting. Over and over, Perez hears stories about how healing from heartbreak has led to greater depths of love. So, she processes the pain of heartbreak to truly embrace love.
Heart Broken Anonymous meetings are currently happening in person and on Zoom. Visit HeartBrokenAnonymous.com to find a meeting time and place near you or online. Heart Broken Anonymous is holding a special meeting on Valentine's Day for those who are struggling with heartbreak and need support.